why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
