I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
