Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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