Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
