Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
