The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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