Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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