she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
