So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
