Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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