I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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