That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
