Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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