they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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