ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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