Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry about my life...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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