Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am naked and annoyed.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
