so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
