So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
