Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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