Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
