I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
