at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
