Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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