You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dignity is for republicans.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
