Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
