if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
