I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
