I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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