i love accidental penises.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
