So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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