Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
