I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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