I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
