Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
