i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
