i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
