Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
