I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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