remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
