It's like God shit irony all over that family
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Found your dick twin last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize