If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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