You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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