I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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