turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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