I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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