Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
so much tequila, so little girl.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
