u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
