I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
