so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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