i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
