That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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