did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
