I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
