are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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