....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
