so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
