I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
