what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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