You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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