dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
