Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How naked do you want me to be?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
