it wasn't lemon gatorade
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
