you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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