I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
