The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
