I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
