i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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