so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
