I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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