Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
