I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
