so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
