My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
